Inside their Minds

We all have Insecurities. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, handsome or well to do a person is. Everyone has that one thing about themselves that makes them feel uncertain, anxious or embarrassed.

The feelings yielded by Insecurities differ in different individuals. One person’s insecurity can create an overprotective frame, another person’s Insecurity can birth constant feelings of unworthiness. To each person his own.

The question however is, what does one do when the Insecurities come knocking? How do we take control of these flaws we’ve grown to despise, yet embrace?

First things first, you need to be aware of your Insecurities. What do I mean by being aware? You should be able to tell yourself the truth about what it is exactly, that makes you feel less of the amazing person you are.

And you can’t do that when you live in denial. Which is something some of us do. We would rather Ignore our Insecurities like they don’t exist at all. And create this illusion of perfection in our minds, with our pictures as the main subject.

When you’re aware of your Insecurities, you’ll be in a better position to know how to face them head on. Because you acknowledge their existence, the next question should be;

What do I do about it? What Next?

Before I answer these questions, You must know that some things that make you feel insecure? You may never heal from them. Some of them will never change, and that’s where acceptance comes in.

Let me explain exactly what I mean, using a common Insecurity possessed by some people, which is “Their Skin”.

If you’re Insecure about your skin, maybe a particular injury that scarred some part of your body, fire burn, and the most common of them all “Acne”, desperation to correct it comes in. And people only try to correct what they think is Wrong.

It may not be, but once that particular Image of what we want our Skin or body to look like, and the need to correct begins to grow? There is almost no going back. In some cases the correcting works, but what of cases where every effort put fails? How do these people deal with the struggle of Acceptance?

Now back to our question of What do I do about it?

Sweetheart, you Embrace them even in the process of correction. This simply means that, you learn to love your insecurities as you work on them. So that no matter the outcome, If correction disappoints? You’ll be happy regardless.

That Acne doesn’t define who you are as a person, neither does it quantify your beauty or Importance in the society. That Scar tells a story of strength you should embrace.

The body part you’re missing? Is an indicator of how much of a survivor you are. Oh you’ve got bow legs or K-legs and people laugh at you because of that? Let them, if nobody talks or laughs at you? Then you’re nobody, and for them to actually take time to notice your legs? Ahhh forget it, they are secret Fans cowering behind ugly laughs.

There are so many other Insecurities, but whatever Physical Insecurity you have? Embrace it with an open Mind. You want to treat your Skin or whatever it is that makes you feel insecure?Go ahead, give it a try and be proud you did. It works? Be happy. It doesn’t work? Be Happier.

But NEVER. Never do it to make people see you differently.

Don’t do it for anyone’s approval. I know the type of pressure that comes with not feeling beautiful enough or attractive enough. So believe me when I say Don’t do it for them.

Define Beauty for yourself. See yourself through your own eyes. Not the eyes of any Man or Woman, but yours alone.Whatever decision you make? Do it because you want to, and for yourself.

People will come for you, Claw at your Insecurities and try to weaponize them against you. Stand your ground. It’s your body, Own it.

Look eh,you can’t shame the shameless. When people know that they can’t use your Insecurities against you, because you’ve accepted it, they will Rest their ugly personalities in the Trash can.

Same applies to Emotional Insecurities. Work on them. Because some of them are actually self destructive. Learn to protect yourself from you. Strive to be a better person, that’s the goal.

I don’t know if this was helpful, but I hope it was.

Remember, there’s no one in the world like you.

Life’s like a Train on the rails, it doesn’t stop till it reaches its destination. Everyday we wake up is another opportunity to LIVE. It’s so sad that a lot of us haven’t realized that all we are doing is “Simply Existing “.

We complain that each day is the same. Same routine,nothing new has changed. However, that’s what we do best “Complain”.

We forget that Life is what we make it to be. No you don’t know what tomorrow holds, if it comes with a terrible news no one has prepared you for, pain you might never heal from or darkness you’ll never wake up from.

But we have the power to control how we feel. And that’s why everyday you find yourself blessed with the gift of life? Make every hour count.

We’ve become so relaxed and complacent, that we feel there is always time. That’s the same reason why, when you’re given a 2 weeks notice for a test, you end up struggling to memorize everything a night before. I’m guilty of this, and believe me, it’s not something to be proud of.

TRUTH IS, THERE IS NO TIME.

None at all, for all the things we procastinate to do tomorrow, when you’re doing absolutely nothing today. And yet when we’re asked about how today is? It’s the same old routine, nothing new. “Today was boring”

Whereas there are tons of things to do. So much self discovery to dive into, Skills to learn or even the little things that make life amusing.

We just aren’t serious enough about living. We would rather exist and have no one know we lived on this earth. We are so soaked up in our comfort zone, too scared of what’s outside that we forget too much of the inside will hurt you.

You don’t need to start planning so much on how you’ll spend the day. Just wake up and make an intentional decision to Live today and make the best of the hours you have left once you’re up from bed.

2 days ago I decided to do something, it may sound weird but it felt energizing, different from my normal. Just like a breath of fresh air.

I SAT OUTSIDE AND FACED THE SUN WHILE MUSIC PLAYED ON MY PHONE.

Not what you were expecting to hear, I know. But to me that day, sitting on that chair, listening to a song that tickled my ears while my body heated up under the sun? Felt good.

It’s not something I’ve done before, but now it’s definitely something I want to do again. You see some feelings can’t be described. How I felt that day was one of them.

And I’ll be so glad if you think “Oh that’s weird or oh that’s not normal ” Normal is the last word I want to be classified as, it shouldn’t be a term that you’re comfortable with, like of all the amazing things I could be, why Normal?

Weird is Good, peculiar is Amazing, different is okay. Don’t let anyone box you or force you to stay normal. You weren’t created to be Ordinary. Do yourself a favour, and stop settling.

YOU’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

Find happiness in the little things. Take that walk around your street and feel the evening breeze on your skin.

Pause if you must and just let yourself Feel Nature’s touch. Walk under the rain while others run if you can, without having to worry if you get soaked. Dwell in the freedom of not having to worry about your clothes.

Do a dance routine and laugh at how terrible your steps are. Talk to yourself about your life and things you want to do better. Inhale and Exhale. Attempt a drawing and be proud of the effort you invested no matter how it turns out.

Learn something random you have no interest in,you’ll be surprised at what you find. You don’t have any time, So make everyday Count. It’s going to be difficult when you’re already used to doing nothing, but not impossible. So I beg you, please Try.

What am I saying in essence?

LEARN TO LIVE, STOP EXISTING. YOU WERE CREATED FOR AWESOMENESS!

We all love a Rich Inter-Tribal wedding don’t we? The cultural display, the colours, the different attires worn by the beautiful bride,and the drop dead gorgeous asoebi styles we stylishly take note of, just incase we decide to pepper some people in another occasion.

However in some cases, we only get to see the final results of that relationship, which of course is the wedding. You don’t get to see just how much talking and convincing was done behind the curtains.

You don’t get to see the angry faces of unconsenting parents, who now wear a smile on this big day for peace to reign. Or the betrayal they feel in their hearts, for the continuity of a union they never fully approved of.

We don’t see the work that was put into making sure that marriage took place. Or the series of drama that went on, before a go ahead was given.

And when people hear of relationship stories that reek of tribalism, we are quick to throw stones at the parents, and make statements like “I don’t need anyone’s approval to get married” “If my family cannot accept it, that’s on them”.

Truth is, this is easier said than done. Because somewhere within you, you’ll feel bad. You may lie to everyone else around you that you don’t care? But you can’t lie to yourself.

I’m not going to dispute the fact that, some of the reasons why parents don’t give their consent, doesn’t hold water at all.

However, below are some of the reasons behind the fuss about Inter-Tribal marriages.

1)Cultural Preservation: There is this need to follow a particular pattern as regards marriage. One that will lead to the preservation of the culture of a people. Some parents don’t want their children marrying from another tribe, because they feel it messes up with the pattern that’s been established.

One in which every Son/Daughter marries from that same ethnic group. It’s like bringing in a total stranger with no knowledge of your culture into your home.

No they have no interest whatsoever in learning something different, because they are already used to a specific system.

Neither are they ready to teach it to anyone who they see as not part of them(a total stranger).

To them marrying outside is a No No.

Language is another factor that falls under cultural preservation. And this applies mostly in situations where it’s the girl who plans on getting married into another tribe.

You hear her parents ask questions like “do you understand or know how to speak their language?” And the answer in most cases is NO.

Then comes the worry of “How will she survive there?” “What if they Insult you or plan to sell you out? How will you blend in? Most times Tribalism in marriage comes from a place of Love. Every parent believes they know what’s good for their child. They may be wrong sometimes? But they actually Care.

2)Past Experiences: Past experiences with a particular tribe or tribes can birth serious Tribalism. You know this “been there, done that” phrase.

These past experiences could even be based on former relationships. A mother whose heart was toyed with by that yoruba man, that she now swears no child of hers would have anything to do the westerners. A father abandoned by an Igbo girl for another Man, that he won’t have any of his sons bring any to his house.

These experiences could also be based off on traumatic events caused by a particular tribe to your grandparents, e.g the Nigerian Civil War. Events whose effects your parents suffered and bore witness to, by a great loss, hunger etc.

That’s why sometimes when parents remember certain experiences with different people,they promise never to have anything to do with that tribe. It becomes a Tribal war that’s extended to their children and if care isn’t taken, the next generation as well.

Because it’s like a seed that’s already been planted. That’s why sometimes if you ask your parents the real reason for their disapproval, they can’t give an independent reason. Rather it’s the decision of two past generations,that still govern their thinking as regards marriage.

In conclusion, Marriage is more than just the tribe you marry from. You might find the perfect person for you who’s not from your ethnic group,something you never found in any Man/Woman who shares your tribe,and that’s Okay.

Go to wherever you find love and where you’re loved as well(very important). Because in as much as we tell ourselves, it’s just the Man/woman we’re marrying, we also marry into the family.

Don’t go where you’re not wanted or appreciated, it will most likely end in tears, though not in all cases. But then, don’t play a dicey game with your peace of mind.

Have a great weekend.